Contemplating Life...

I am trying to find my nitch in life...Rings any bells???

I am really feeling God calling me to something...Mom says she is gonna pray I am wrong, cause it's not her idea of my future:) I still really haven't sat down and shared all of my thoughts with my folks, but there are a few things that I need before I can consider myself ready to present it:)

The other hard thing is there are certain feelings, that I thought I had hidden really well that are coming back to haunt me and I am feeling a little, not confused, maybe annoyed? and the direction I feel God is leading versus where I want to go!

How dare I , a humble sinner argue with an almighty God!

I feel God calling me to a ministry/school of sorts, that is within my dad's guidelines, but not in the location my parents would prefer, such as in another country:)     It wouldn't be anytime soon, more like a year or two down the road.

But, I have only ever wanted one thing, as lame as that may sound, and that is to settle down with my cowboy in our little cabin and raise lots of little cowboys and indians... I still dream of the gingham on the table and the matchign curtains on the windows and my sisters coming over to help me with the munchkins cause I am a million months pregnant with baby number whatever:)...

You get the picture...I just have to wonder why God gives you two desires that are totally God glorifying, but one would truly give the desires of your heart, whereas the other is truly giving over your own desires to fulfill His will for your life...

I have to admit, I kinda keep hoping I am making the whole thing up about the mission field one, cause it's so far away!!! I mean really, who's gonna keep kissing my baby for me while I am gone? ( BTW< , he totally kissed me ON THE MOUTH for like 10 seconds today!!!! I was totally thrilled Back to topic;):))

Anyhoo, all this to say ,. keep praying for me and my family as we continue to strive to follow His ways and not ours.. As you can tell, I am trying but not terribly succeeding:)

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Hey ya'll:)

What's happening??? I hope all is well with all of you and you are feeling truly blessed this beautifully rainy day:) ( Ok, it's raining now, so it counts:))

I have been al around downtown Plant city today and officially zonked:) It was wonderful though, cause a dear friend got me a gift certificate for a hair place ( I think she was sick of me with my pathetic hairdo:)) and so I went and got my hair professionally done for the first time in a long time:) I like it.....It took a while for me to get used to the difference, but it is definate improvement and I totally like it now:):):) She did a good job and I had money left over...I think we were both happy...

Ya'll probably won't be hearing much from me for the next week and a half or so, cause I am gonna be working on an upholstery job , but I will try to keep you updated:) The couch will be going from green to blue, so I will be happy:)

I will try to give you a picture , so you don't have to use your imagination:)!!!

Please continue praying for me as I am searching out the Lord's will in my life! He is giving me some paths, so we are praying for His will and I would covet your prayers as well:)

Thanks a bunch!!! Missing all your crazy comments...Sorry I have been so serious the last few times....Will try to lighten up soon:)

Much love and many blessings,

Jess

Ok guys, I am at it again!! I would really appreciate it if you would read over this and let me know what you think of it... It's kinda like a sequel to " my groom"...

Also, feel free to critique it...I really wanna know all you think, good and bad:)

 

 

 

 

     Over the last few years, I have lamented over the seemingly large lack of truly Godly guys in my age range. Why weren't they saving for a wife and family? Were they ever going to get a real job and learn real life character qualities. It seems like they are all on video games and playing thru life. Did none of the guys in my age range ever plan on marrying? What's wrong with all of them???

     Since realizing I have the perfect and ever lasting groom, another sobering thought has been laid on my heart!

     Am I ready if prince charming shows up tomorrow with his 15 passenger white horse and my glass slipper? Amd I where I want him to be?

     I have certain expectations of a future groom , and I don't think they are unreasonable. He has to belong to my eternal groom and love Him as I do, willing to follow whereever He leads. He needs to be a leader to guide me and my hard head in the ways of the word. A growing chrstian who is constantly becoming stronger in  Christ. He has to be romantic... I like moonlit walks , candlelit dinners and walking along the beach at night looking at the stars! In order for me to feel loved and cherished I have to occasionally have these things!!! ( ask my dad:) Cause for now, he's the one getting conned into them:)) And, of course, he has to love kids!!! ( With my dream of 8 boys, he might do well with a little patience too!!! )

This is the part I have to stop at and honestly evaluate myself as well.

If some guy was" checking" me out on a serious level, where would I come in on his scale?

     1.     Am I a growing christian, always striving to serve the Lord and His peoples needs?

     2.     Am I willing to follow WHEREEVER He may lead, whether I agree or not?

     3.     Even though I feel romantic, do I express myself in a way that let's people know I enjoy life to the fullest, with or without "my guy"?

     4.     How do I react to the children around me? Whether they are siblings or not?

     5.     Can I keep a home in a way that will be honorable to him and make his name a good one?

     6.     Do I present myself myself in a God glorifying way? ( is my personal appearance neat? )

     7.     Do I leave people feeling encouraged or tired and drained?

     As I evaluate myself against these questions and others, I start loosing hope!!! Am I really that bad????

     Have you ever gone a while and thought to yourself " I must be doing pretty good, cause it's been nice and quiet". Then out of nowhere, a situation comes up and you suddenly realize come pretty nasty things about yourself?

     I always thought getting married would solve everything!!! No more annoying little brothers, who ate like pigs and talked and talked and talked...... and no more little sisters who were always cuter, prettier and just plain out gorgeous..(I totally believe I got missed on the looks in this family!!! ):):):) Then I realized, in my old age:) that none of that will change just because I say I do...They will always be there....( thankfully:):):))

     My husband won't have all the answers, always be in shape, be there every time I need and want him,never forget the flowers on my birthday... You get the idea:)

      Only God can fulfill all the desires I feel I need to have fulfilled!

      But in return, am I willing to fulfill my duty to Him????

     Am I telling others about  Him? Sharing my faith so that others can fall in love with Him to? Serving others wholeheartedly in His name? Spending time with my one and only daily? Am I changing myself for the better to best point others to Him?

     Am I willing to give Him my all? All my desires, longings, dreams and future? Wholeheartedly? I expect to give myself to a man someday and give him my heart,  body and the rest of my life. Shouldn’t I be willing to do the same for my saviour?

            The Bible says Our groom can’t wait for the day that He will finally present Himself to us. Our we, as His bride, ready for Him?

            Are we standing and waiting, eager for a glimpse of our beloved? Is our hope chest full of enticing treasures to present to Him our first lovely day together?

           Want Him brethren!!! Allow yourselves to burn for Christ!!! To desire Him so that you are consumed with becoming one with Him!!

     His ways are not our ways yet if you are one with your groom, you will be so intuned that you will understand what He is asking of you and be able to fulfil it joyfully!

     We as His children are not always clinging to Him as we should though. We allow ourselves to look lustfully at the other suiters ( AKA, world, T.V, friends....) and we start becoming unprepared for our own prince. He never leaves us !!!! Even when we start to pull away, He still burns for us.It says in Isaiah 5:25, that even though God can be totally ready to drop kick us off the planet, His hand is still stretched out toward us, ready for us to return to Him.! How beautiful, and how unworthy I feel of it!!!!

     You are never to far from God!!! Call out to Him in true repentance, spend time reading His love letter, the word daily.

     I think if you find yourself blushing your way thru the song of solomon, that you will see first hand what a romantic our Lord is! He loves love! He created it!

     Finally, a challenge! We are all alike! If you are a christian, then you love the Lord. Be ready for HIm !!!! Clothe yourselves in the white clothing of innocence in preperation of the day He's to come!!! Spend time daily falling deeper in love with him! Build up your dowry/treasure chest with gifts for Him.

     Become His diamond in the rough, the apple of His eye, the light in the darkness, His innocent, pure and amazing bride!!!!

    

 

Ok, peoples,

Just to let ya'll know, I went walking today and my ankle held up just fine...

It was only a bruised twisted ankle....whatever

So, I am fine now:)

But thanks for all the concern

Cya'll. later:):):)

Honored by Humility???

About one year ago, our dryer broke down and Dad informed us there was no money to buy another one so we would be hanging out our clothes... I have to admit I was not looking forward to it...

You see, living in Florida means that it's really HOT in the summer and the sun is cruel and you end up with sand paper towels...soft and fluffy takes a hike and you are left with crispy everythings...

I was not looking forward to it ...:) I wasn't giving anyone a problem mind you, just not looking forward to it...it took alot longer to dry and with 11 people, clothes built up REALLY fast!

Over the last year, once again though, God has really pulled through and allowed me to really enjoy hanging out clothes.

It gives me a chance to take a breather from whatever chaos is going on inside ( which I love BTW ) and allows me time either by myself to pray and have one on one fellowship with Christ, or it gives me time to talk to Mom for a few uninterupted moments ( the kids don't wanna help, so they don't come near...YEEHAW!!! smart huh????) and we actually get to finish sentances:)

All in all, I have really gotten to the point of totally enjoying hanging out clothes.... About 2 months ago, a dear family gave us a dryer, and it has been a blessing, but mom and I are enjoying the hanging, that we still are hanging out 90% of our clothes:)

So, moral of the story is, enjoy life to the fullest, whether it be in work or play and even if it is a low job, it's gotta be done, so make the most of it:)

Also, for those of you who might care....:):):)

After bragging to some sweet friends of mine that I had actually run a mile for the first time in my life, the next day I sprained my ankle...

lesson 2...Don't trip in that BIG hole!!!!:)

( it's not bad........Just thought you guys might enjoy imagining me go flying after finding another hole that needs to be filled in the back yard:):):) )

New Favorite T-Shirt!!!!

"What part of Ya'll don't you understand???"

Sweet:):):)

Life

 

I told you guys about asking the kids and my parents to give me the answers to 2 questions....1 being what did I need to change in my life and 2. being ...If you could choose what I do with my life, what would I do???

My sisters response I think you guys will like the best...:)

She says, 1. I need to get married ( i think she wants my room:)) 2. I need to rub her feet at least once a week:) And then she finally went on to some more serious ones....like I shouldn't be on the phone as much..... ( thanks to my annoying friends:)(Yes, you knwo who you are:))

But, overall, I have had a really long, hard, yet wonderful day....go figure:)

The Lord has answered my questions, but as usual it wasn't the answers I wanted, and I am trying desperatly not to give in like I normally do and whine about it....I really want God's will for my life, but I have never been very good about accepting it...

I got a call, telling me I had the job I was praying for...The excitment didn't last long....I can only make so much because of having to have my health insurance ( aka medicine, doctors....) and if I take the job it's not enough to cover all expenses, so it's not worth it

But, God in His soveignness(word?) will lead my paths where He wills......It would've tied me down, and I would love to be able to travel more with a ministry so we'll see if He leads in that direction...

Continue to pray for me, as I continue to learn to bloom where I am planted, and that I can become focused and more diligent to the things I must get done now....:)

Thanks a bunch....Cya later.......

BTW: I really wanna invest in a good SLR digital, so if any of you know what you are talking about and wanna clue me in, I would really appreciate it....it would be for portraits and outdoors....I am trying to become a bit more advanced in the area:) Thanks:)

Ok, guys.......request to make of you....

Minus ALL the grammatical errors on the following, please read it and tell me if ( once there is scripture added) if it would be encouraging to you, since most of you are in the same boat I am:)

Which I think is why I like all of you:)

Thanks a bunch....

I can handle it if you say it doesn't....Just want to get different opinions, k?

 

 

 

 

My groom

 

Over the years, being the romanticist that I am, I have dreamed up and created my perfect groom. It has changed many times over the years, depending on who I may have like at the time.

A few of the things that have stayed consistent are strong leadership skills, a loving way of telling me “no” when I needed to hear it, someone who was laid back, loved kids, was comfortable with himself as a person and, of course, above all a strong, and growing Christian.

Lately, I have come to question whether my prince Charming is real or if he is totally fictitious. Sure, there are guys I am attracted to, some more than others, but none of them seem to be “him”.!!!

I have also had another thought that has been in the forefront of my mind recently…Is it me? Am I unlovable? Is my personality to strong? Am I to much of an expence?Am I not accomplished enough to tempt anyone???

My questions generally seem to be left unanswered, leaving me even feeling even more lonely and depressed. Than after all the questions, the worst enemy of all starts in on me…Bitterness.

“That girl over there is no better or cuter than I am yet you gave her a guy!!! Why!?!? My accusing finger is always being pointed at God. I generally continue on with “You say that if I delight and trust in You, You will give me the desires of my heart. This is the ONLY thing I have ever truly wanted, and I am a Christian and I love you so why aren’t you holding up your end of the deal??? Where’s my prince??? Where’s my Romeo???

          So, I continue thru life, supposedly giving God my heart, my future and my emotions. I generally end up hurt, sad, depressed and bitter though, because within minutes of giving it to Him, I inevitably take it all back.Why???

 

Here’s where it all ties together. By now you are agreeing fully with me, wanting to tell me you understand fully and yet can’t wait for me to give you the phone number or website I can give you that will automatically take away all of your pain, like you will expect me to tell you it did for me…Let me break it to you gently…That’s not going to happen!

          There are no quick fixes we can use…but I do know the answer and I have found my groom!!! And so can you!!!

How???

          First of all, I have to rub in the fact that my beau is totally perfect! In the last verse of Matthew chapter 5, it says “be ye therefore perfect, like you father who is in heaven is perfect”.

 

          But Jessica!!! You don’t understand! You’ve apparently never felt the emptiness and loneliness of singleness!!!...

          Oh yes I have…Unfortunately, a little too much!!!

          I have often looked at God and said” If you would only give me this one thing! Lord, don’t you see it would fill this void in my heart? This longing in my heart to be special to someone?

          That’s when He looks back at me with tears in His ever loving eyes and says” No, my child. I don’t see how a man, a sinful, human creature like you could fill a hole in your spirit! I am the ONLY one who could fill it Jess, and yet you refuse to ask me!!!

          “Oh Jessica!!!” He cries, “You say you dream of your groom, but I burn for my bride. Oh my darling, can’t you see how much I love you and have loved you since the beginning of time, before you first breath I wanted and desired your love and affection!

          “Why do you insist on ignoring me and chasing after men you know aren’t yours? I am here, and yet you will not take my hand. I am here, offering all of Me , all you have to do is desire it and ask, and yet you instead follow after the things that will cause you hurt and pain.

          Dearest Bride, can’t you feel my yearning for you? Wnating you to discover me?”

          My motives all of the sudden start staring me in the face. Why did I want a husband so bad that it could shake even the foundations of my faith?

          Because, deep down somewhere in my being, I truly believed a man, my man , would fill my every need. I wanted someone, not necessarily to just love and cherish, but someone who I felt would always be there for me. He would be there to hold me up when I was low and depressed. He’s send me flowers when I was sick, buy me romantic gifts and take me on romantic getaways just to show me I was special.

          Guess what?!?!? My first suspicion was correct!!! A man like that is nonexistent!!!!

          There is no human man alive, or woman for that matter that could ever fill all those desires all the time!

          And yet, here I am expecting there to be! Finding a face and a family and making myself believe he’s the one. My dream guy!!!

 

          It has only been recently that I have come to understand one major thing I have overlooked, shoved aside and purposefully, at times, hidden so I could continue on in my misery.

 

          The first and main thing is realizing that God is our Groom and the ONLY one capable of fulfilling the desires of our hearts.

Don’t believe me? Look at all the married couples and realize that while they have that flesh and blood person they can call their own, they also have their faults and sins to add to the mix as well.

A marriage doesn’t fix your problems, it doubles them!!! J

 

          Go find you bible, a comfy chair and enjoy reading James and 1^st Peter.. Then find the parts of the bible where the Lord literally describes myself as the bridegroom and we are His bride!!!

          As you read, you can’t help but see how much thought and energy He has put into out wedding!!!

          Can’t you see the excitement on His face as He describes how He plans to surprise you with His timing on your special day!!!!

 

          So my dear brothers and sisters in Christ, allow yourselves to be wooed by the greatest lover of all times!!!

Christ is my Romeo. He did die for my love!!!

          Cling to Him!!! He craves your desires and affections so much! He knows how to fill your every need if you’d only allow Him to. Ask Him to show you what secrets He has for your life!

          Even if He wants to wait and surprise you later, than listen carefully to His low, sweet voice. He will tell you what you will need to know for your journey!

          I have shared with you my greatest treasure, my dearest friend, my constant companion, my guide, my lover, my God and…

 

My GroomJ

 

Annoying friends are what makes life worth living!!!!!

Humbled, yet happy

Have you ever felt the overwhelming sense of what do I do with my life??? There are so many things I wanna do and don't know which ones to pick!!!! Am I really following God's desires or am I just scared to follow the extremes that God may lead me in?

I was walking and praying for God's will in my life today, and He, instead of answering ,my questions, said to me "Ask your family".

He laid two questions on my heart, the first being What things in my life should I change, and the second asking Where they think I should go with my life...

Being the person that I am, I both dreaded and yet was excited to ask each and every one of them.

God has used this time, to not only humble me, but also to show me the most amazing love I have known in a while!!!

He is such an awesome and amazing Groom , and all knowing God!!!

I asked them to pray and answer me in a few days, so I haven't gotten to the painful part yet, but God has already shown me so much grace and love, I feel like I am ready to fly and ready to break down and cry all at the same time...

I am excited to see how God is going to use this time in my life...Excited and scared to see how much I am going to have to change and yet can't wait to see how He'll use it:)

May it all be in His glory!!!

( Pray for me though:) )