AsI sit here, happily filled with yummy cake and white chedder popcorn:) (ya, and a diet pepsi:P) I want to share with you what the Lord's been teaching me these last few weeks.
For starters, I rarely seem to let many people into my heart often anymore, for I learned it hurt to much when they left!But, because of that, the loneliness has begun to get deeper. Through all of this though I have learned that man in and of himself cannot fulfill these feelings. So, do I just go through life wondering what it was like to be free to be me? To have someone see the real me and who I am and what I want to accomplish!? I have friends, yes wonderful friends, who have stood beside me through some of the hardest times in my life, and yet not even they could fill this need of mine..To be loved for ME!
I have known all along that God was the only one who could fill this desire, and yet, in real life, how do you do it? I have prayed through out this whole time of wondering, and still didn't feel to terribly helped...so what then?
My dear friend suggested a book to me, and while I am not done, I am loving it so far and here's why...
The book is entitled " Do you think I'm beautiful" by Angela Thomas. This woman puts into words what I have been feeling, struggling with and being choked by at times....
Here are some of her quotes:
This is one where I was.....( me)
"I cannot avoid the deep longing in my own soul. Do you really love me? means, will you accept me in process? Will you embrace what is different about me and applaud my afforts to become? Can I just be human--strong and vibriant some days, weak and frail on others? Can I have a relationship with you without pretending? Can I be honest and expect honesty? Is it okay my clothes are stretched from a few extra pounds ? Will you love me even if I disappoint you? Will you love me thru dark places Will you love me even if I doubt that love?"
These are MY longings....(me again)
Not every woman wants a battle to fight, but every woman yearns to be fought for....She wants to be more then noticed. She wants to be pursued.
Every woman also wants an adventure to share...a woman doesn't want to be the adventure:She wants to be caught up into something greater than herself...
Every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil. Not to conjure, but to unveil. Most woman feel the pressure to be beautiful from very young, but that is not what I speak of. There is also a deep desire to simply and truly be the beauty, to be delighted in..
( This last one^^^ is actually being quoted from another book...by a man who gets it:) )
And lastly, this is what I want to rest in...To truly believe, to not fight and ignore cause I don't feel like I measure up...( me again:)
"There are no faceless woman in the crowd...... You are not just one of the crowd. God sees you and He sees me, looks directly at you and says that you are beautiful! You are not a wanna be to Him and neither am I. He calls out every wallflower and I mean every single one and asks them to dance!
Do you know what the dance is? The dance is your life. The dance is you in the arms of God gliding around the room, becoming the woman He thought of when He dreamed of you. TO dance is to say " I can do that" and then to magnificently step out into the strength of God's call and shine . To dance is to grab hold of what you were made to be and then let Him show you howto become.
When God looks into the eyes of a woman, He sees all the beauty He created there. He sees every potential and every gift. He sees what can be and redeems what has been. He loves the curly hair that you wish was straight. He is taken with your smile and the shape of your nose. He's crazy about big feet and knooby knees and every curve that is particular to you. He is the One who loves the inside and the outside of you. You were all His idea, and you are physically and emotionally beautiful to Him.
Do you want to dance? Does your soul cry out "Does anyone see me?" Do you think I'm beautiful? Then hear Psalms 45:10-11:
Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your fathers house. The king is ENTHRALLED by your beauty: Honor him, for He is your lord...
You have heard that God loves you, but maybe you have been like me and misunderstood. His love for you is not a "whole world in His hands" kinda love. This love is individual. God and you. One-on-One. Intimate. Personal. Romantic.
(me again:P)Yes I am excited. Someone finally wrote what I felt. I have never felt worthy of anything and to think of the LORD of the universe being in LOVE with ME?
Sorry for the long post, but if you don't like it....well..your loss:)
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